I recently had a situation in my life that made me realize that I had lost my connection with myself. I remember reading a quote on the “selfcarevisuals” Instagram account that said, “Life will feel full but never fulfilling if you keep saying yes to things you don't want to do.”
This quote described the situation I was going through perfectly. I was taking on a million tasks that made my schedule full, but in reality, I felt empty. I was always rushing to get from one place to another and started to neglect my physical and mental health.
I spent entire days thinking about how I would manage all of my tasks. I didn’t want to quit anything because I felt a sense of obligation that held me back, but as I later realized, often the most profound act of self-love is the courage to say no and quit those things that, while outwardly beneficial, hinder your inner peace.
What would it be like to have a deep and unwavering sense of self-worth? We often present our best selves to others, but do we extend that same courtesy to ourselves?
The answer is no, and why is that? Because we do not consider the idea of having a relationship with ourselves. While some may consider having this relationship or talking to oneself unusual, having honest conversations with ourselves and getting to know ourselves is critical. Understanding our likes, dislikes, and reactions to certain situations and people allows us to navigate life with greater clarity and purpose.
Here are four things I learned:
Set Boundaries/Learn how to say NO: It can be tempting to stay in situations or relationships that, despite causing misery, offer benefits—financial, emotional, social, or professional. However, if something torments your soul, you MUST say NO because it will become a seed of self-destruction. The effects may not be immediately apparent, but they will manifest. Knowing myself and setting boundaries earlier would have allowed me to leave a detrimental situation, but life is a learning experience, and sometimes hitting rock bottom can be the motivation for growth. In those moments, we realize things can only improve. Everything in life is temporary, both the good and the bad. Be present, absorb every lesson, and strive to become a better version of yourself, regardless of what life throws your way.
Talk to yourself/Be your own best friend: As a child, I often felt isolated and struggled to make friends. This led me to talk to myself as a way to process my thoughts and feelings. I remember family members asking, "Are you talking to yourself? Are you crazy?" Their words made me self-conscious for a long time. However, as I began my journey of self-love, I learned from experts that speaking affirmations aloud while looking in the mirror is a powerful way to build self-confidence. I was skeptical at first, but after some practice, I discovered the power of positive self-talk. When something troubles me, I write it down, analyze the root cause of my worry, and brainstorm solutions. Often, we overthink things, and the reality isn't as daunting as we imagine. Avoiding problems only fuels anxiety. Facing them head-on, engaging in self-talk, and reassuring ourselves that we can handle the situation are key to maintaining a healthy mindset.
Enjoy your own company: Learning to enjoy your own company is a key part of self-connection. Spend time alone; this allows you to appreciate solitude and develop a deeper understanding of yourself. The goal is to cultivate a sense of self-worth and learn to love yourself, rather than relying on others for validation. Take yourself on solo dates and spend time doing what you enjoy. This focused time with myself helps me build a stronger connection with myself, which in turn empowers me to set healthy boundaries in future situations.
Make a “Dear me” journal: Journaling is a powerful way to process emotions, thoughts, and stress. Try the "Dear Me" exercise: write to your past self, expressing gratitude for the experiences that have shaped your present, or write to your future self, outline your hopes and dreams and acknowledge your strengths. Rereading these entries can be incredibly beneficial. It can remind you that difficult times are temporary and offer comfort during challenging moments, assuring you that they, too, will pass.
In closing, take time to discover the things that genuinely make you happy and lose track of time. Indulge in those things.
Sometimes we may uncover the things that will shape us in the hobbies we enjoy doing. Prioritize getting to know yourself if you don’t already because this is how you begin a loving
relationship with yourself.
In today's world, finding your individuality and uniqueness can be challenging. However, there is something special about you, waiting to be discovered.
This journey, while it can lead to a point of balance and self-knowledge, is like all aspects of self-improvement; a lifelong process. Be patient and prepared to learn, and most important of all, give yourself the grace to make mistakes and learn from them.
So how did this end for me? Well, sometimes we become so deeply ingrained in our routines that we lose the ability to see the bigger picture or even recognize that we need help. We trap ourselves in a cycle that we can’t break on our own.
During these moments when we can't, we need someone to offer their perspective and step in for us. This is exactly what my mom did. She realized that my habits were slowly leading to burnout and a negative place for me, so she made the decision that I couldn’t make for myself—she prioritized my well-being and helped me quit the things that were making me unhappy.
This is why it’s very important to surround yourself with people who love and appreciate you and are willing to go into deep, dark places just to take you out of there. When you find those people, don’t let go because they’re hard to find.
If you liked this piece, be sure to be on the lookout for my next article on “Emotional Intelligence.”
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