Self-Love Series Part 2: Build Emotional Intelligence & Control Your Emotions by Rashel Medina

Having control over your emotions is a vital life skill, as it can save you from countless complications and difficult scenarios. Often, situations that make us lose our temper could be solved with a simple apology or taking a breath and admitting we are wrong. What stops us is often pride. If we let pride get in the way of our relationships, work, and well-being, it disturbs our inner peace and makes us feel bad. Do you ever notice your emotions controlling you?

Recently, a situation highlighted how many confrontations could be avoided if people set aside pride and were humble. At a bus terminal, a passenger abruptly yelled at the driver about wait times. The driver yelled back, offering a refund. The passenger, further angered, said they only asked a question and stormed off.

Both parties were at fault: the passenger for being rude, and the driver for escalating the situation instead of apologizing, especially after the passenger clarified their question. Pride often prevents people from being humble and apologizing, even when right. Societal pressures make people prioritize perceived respect over humility.

The driver missed an opportunity to break the anger cycle and encourage the passenger to reflect. This incident shows how often people care more about appearances than admitting mistakes.

This situation reinforced the importance of setting boundaries for ourselves and others. To get respect, we must give it.

Define your non-negotiable boundaries, expectations of others, and, importantly, of yourself. Write these down and don't compromise your core values. Journal about your boundaries and where you're flexible, keeping your values in mind. Use "I" statements to affirm your self-worth.

Examples include "I am valuable," "I deserve love and care," and "I won't stay where my peace is compromised". Establishing boundaries cultivates inner peace and self-respect.

Emotional intelligence, like confidence, is thoughtful, not obnoxious. I've often lost my

temper, but being quiet lets you realize how unproductive and embarrassing it is, and a calm approach is more persuasive.

Maintaining a quiet space allows you to reanalyze, settle your thoughts, and learn to de-escalate confrontations. This requires humility and self-control because we often want to lash out, which leads to saying hurtful things. Staying quiet builds self-confidence and emotional intelligence.

Here are three tips for controlling emotions:

• Practice deep breaths and count to 20: The National Library of Medicine says, “Controlled breathwork practices have emerged as potential tools for stress management and well-being”. Using videos from Headspace and breathing in a quiet space clears your mind. This helps you reassess and make reasonable decisions.

• Take a walk: “Nature-based walking is an environmentally responsible and relatively inexpensive intervention. This review demonstrates that it helps people maintain and improve their mood and mindfulness, and it also reduces anxiety and rumination” (Ma, Lin, & Williams, 2024). Fresh air cools you down and interactions can distract you from bad moments. Avoid phones or headphones for a thinking moment. Walking quietly makes you confront the problem and consider your reactions and the possibility of apologizing.

• Pause before responding and use "I" statements: “Thinking before you speak is an important life skill to cultivate because it can provide many advantages: It can assist you in thinking logically and considering the implications of your words. By thinking before speaking, you can ensure that you say something constructive rather than something you will later regret” (How to Think Before You Speak — Speeko - the #1 Public Speaking App, 2023). Rushing to speak leads to saying the wrong things. Instead, pause and use "I" statements to communicate your feelings, such as, "I am frustrated because..." instead of, "You're making me angry". This helps the other person be more open to hearing you.

Emotional intelligence is difficult to achieve; humans tend to react. However, developing it helps maintain peace and boosts confidence. Self-control means not stooping to others' level.

Be graceful with yourself when you lose your temper and learn from it. Self-knowledge helps you identify triggers and manage emotions. This is crucial for unshakable confidence, the topic of the next article.